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Carry Me

This heaviness. I feel it inside my chest. Like a boulder has taken up residence. It's cozied up and made itself at home.

Crushing the previous tenants. Pushing them out of the way.

It's too big for this space. It's too big to be at home.

Go it must, but until I know it's tender name I have no business, no authority to kindly speak, "you don't belong here."

And yet, perhaps belong it does. Perhaps it's rolled in and made itself at home because it is longing.

Longing to be seen. Longing to be known. Longing to be named and held like a newborn in its mother's arms.

"Oh sweet child. Oh pretty thing. You are home and you are safe."

This heaviness. This thing I feel inside my chest. This part of me that is finally taking up residence. That's decided it is time to get cozy, it's time to call home.

Oh nameless beast, faceless foe.

May I welcome you at last. May I see your beaten face, your battered spirit. May I offer you shelter and rest.

Can I find the courage? Can I trod the tender way?

And how can I do this when I don't know what's before me? What's inside of me?

How can you traverse the unknown and mine the unseen? Who will guide me through these shadows? Who will lead me forth?

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